December is a time of change for most people. There are different holidays, the year is at it's end, heck the winter solstice is also going on. Seriously, it is jammed full of all these things, these tiny little moments that send ripples through our lives. But the most important moment in the history of the world also happened this during December, someone very special was born, me! So it should come as no surprise that I use this month as chance to reflect on my life an where I am headed on my path. It gives me a chance to look at my life and see what has changed and what hasn't. More importantly in the five years since I turned from a boy to a man(18 for those of you who don't know or care) a lot has happened and my life has changed. For the better or worse, I'm not sure yet, but it has been interesting so far.
December marks very important discoveries, moments, revelations and other things for me. Five years ago December I was 18, 240lbs and had short hair while today I am 23(roughly), 170lbs (again roughly here) and I have not cut my hair in over a year. Each of these things has brought forth challenges and I wouldn't be the same with each of them happening. It also doesn't help that two years ago I was still living in Lincoln working at the YMCA (sorry Austin) and now I am in Kansas City, MO (the cool side) running my own business.
At 18 I decided enough was enough and I made a bet with a girl (thanks for this Anne-Marie) that I could lose 15lbs. I figured, why not, I could stand to be a bit skinnier, might make getting phone numbers a lot easier. This seemingly innocuous bet started my love affair with being healthy and in shape. Because of this decision in a December I now have a career, a passion, and I have also helped people regain control of their life which I have found is a feeling that can't be purchased. When all was said and done I ended up losing over 90lbs going from 240lbs to 145lbs at my lowest. I put a little bit of weight back on in the form of muscle and feel better for it overall. This minor moment in time became a major decision in my life also made it so that my half-naked torso was on posters and fliers all over town, and you can't teach that. I don't always express it, however fitness and health are a part of what has kept me calm and sane over the last few years (or saneish.... Really are any of us that sensible?).
19 came along and I made an even bigger decision that moved me, literally, to a completely different place on the map. I asked out a girl who had been on my mind since the start of high school (we are talking over five years of popping into my head) and something surprising happened, she actually said yes. Her simple response on Facebook caused my life to turn upside down and possibly even backwards. Here was this amazing person who I (this is where mistakes come into play) put on a pedestal of beauty and kindness (pro-tip: healthy relationships shouldn't start out like this) actually dating me. Granted the whole relationship lasted three months and then there were problems on both ends which caused it to cease until the next year. Dating her gave me the confidence boost I needed and craved to start seeing myself as worth something (PROBLEM ALERT). Then came my foray into increasing my education. I started community college around this time and expanded my education from basic nothingness to knowing that I really didn't want to be a welder. When the middle end of the year came along I decided it was time to start pursuing a personal training certification. I spent hours each day pouring over material and learning as much as I could about basic human movement and how it 'should' look in the real world.
Then came a very interesting span in my life. My 20th birthday was here and I was about to learn a very expensive lesson. While not exactly on my birthday I asked this same girl out (if you were paying attention it was not Anne-Marie, sorry for the confusion). Again, she said yes and yet again, this was totally not a healthy way to start a relationship with a person, because I was still idolizing her. I was not perfect but at the time I was trying to hid and avoid all of my flaws under a coat of paint we call 'self-confidence'. Over the course of 20 I ran into scares, tears and tears, and something very important began to mold my path. My girlfriend time pushed me to get a job as a personal trainer at the YMCA. This was huge. It was my first blind jump into fitness and if I am being completely candid here, I failed at getting clients. Most trainers didn't have clients at this particular Y, but still I was not to pleased with this. Then a little later in the year we ran into a pregnancy scare, which forced my life into perspective. Was I happy living in Lincoln, away from the most important person in my life (pro-tip: you should be the most important person in your life) or would I be better off trying to live in a city where I knew no one, had no job yet, and only could rely on that same girlfriend? I choose to live a life full of 'adventure' by moving 170 miles away from home and getting a job as a trainer at the YMCA there. I was working 20-30 hours a week, not turning on lights when I showered (I will expand on my penny pinching ways if you want me to later) or really at all, and I had no cable or internet for the first 3 months. Life was tough. I was bored, hungry, cold and alone. But I had the love of my life there so what did that matter.
My 21st birthday was probably top three worst days of my life (maybe a bit dramatic). The doctor asked me to turn my head and cough and then the next sentence later told me I had a hernia. I was devastated. I was living in a new city, pursuing a passion of mine, and here he was saying I was going to have to pay a lot of money and spend time away from it all. It didn't seem real. I vividly remember walking to the Jeep, closing the door and just crying. I don't know why, but for some reason this broke me. What was suppose to be a happy birthday where all I do is drink and be merry and here I am being told I have to have surgery because of something I love injuring me. This year was probably one of the worst years of my life. If the surgery wasn't bad enough (I sneezed 4 days after and it was the absolute worst pain of my life imagine being stabbed, burned and ripped open all at the same time), I threw out my back on a mechanical bull two weeks after being clear which pinched a nerve. The total time out of lifting at this point was nearly 6 months of no deadlift or squat, which really really sucked.
The worst however was yet to come emotionally. I felt something happen in my relationship mid-summer and knew something was off. I didn't know what or why but something told me it wasn't going to last to much longer. I held on for dear life though and didn't let go. I was selfish, self-centered and an all around jackass during this point. Then it happened. She broke up with me, moved out and I was devastated, totally laid to waste. I actually entered what was on of the darkest periods of my life. I couldn't sleep, didn't eat, was irritable, and honestly came close to calling it quits a few times (I'll let you be the judge of what that means). This was the lowest I had ever been. I was completely alone in a city away from my family and friends and I sometimes wouldn't talk for days at a time to anyone. I lashed out out people who meant the world to me because I wanted them to feel my pain and isolation. I used people to try and make myself feel better. Thankfully I experienced this though. I know how far I can sink and what I need to do to pull myself out of it now.
On the bright side, I didn't become an alcoholic or try to drown my sadness and loneliness in some habit. So I have that going for me which is nice. But I also planted a seed for myself which didn't quite blossom to its fullest until the next year. I started my own personal training business called MoreHealth Fitness and was trying to take on clients of my own. For nearly the first year I had only two people for a total of 4 hours a week.... Not much but this was a way to get my foot in the door and figure out what kind of trainer I wanted to be, was I motivated by money or progress? Not to mention I also met some of the most influential people in my life because I was now living away from home. I had guidance in lifting (which I took for granted), provided by a dedicated team of people who are amazing. Seriously amazing, humans who are able to bend over backwards, metaphorically, because physically most of us are not that flexible.
22 was a year where I realized what was happening to me. I was dating a girl I had no feelings for, I was working a shit job where I wasn't happy, and I was spiraling in a hole of self loathing and depression. Thankfully I discovered I had family that wasn't blood down here. One of my co-workers brought me in as his brother and has treated me better than I can say since. As I have said before and I will never stop saying I can never repay this man for all he has done for me (Debby, you rock also). I then happened to fall for another girl who moved in (don't do this people) after a week (of all the bad ideas this is number one..... at least top five anyway). I then went through the most country breakup ever devised in real life. We fought on mothers day, two days later our dog was hit and killed by her step-dad while she was in the car, and then two days after that we broke up. Seriously a weird array of happenstance. Honestly glad this happened though (not the dog, that was terrible, I cried again).
From this point on I realized I needed to live for me not others. There was also the fact that I have now gained more than 6 additional clients this year, was (sort of) able to make ends meet with this thing that found me when I was 18. This was an investment of over 4 years that was finally paying off and I couldn't be more excited. I am now about to enter my second year as MoreHealth and I am still learning the ropes. I am still failing at a lot of things and need improvements as a business to flourish and grow to my full potential. I now have ten clients, over 14 hours a week (its hard to explain, but tandem sessions yo!) and am looking to add more to my 'stable' if you will. My business has also produced two t-shirts, business connections and friendships that have pulled me through some weird moments in my day. This is my commitment and what I want to do for the foreseeable future.
For my 23rd birthday I am only going to be putting out positive vibes from second number one! No sadness, not weirdness, just all around being happy. I don't understand what the future has in store for me. I don't really even understand what the past had in store for me to be honest here. But I know that I need to be my biggest supporter. I need to be my reason to get out of bed in the morning. I can't do it for anyone else because they might not be there tomorrow. They might leave me to fend for myself. In the next five years of life I may fail as a business man or grow to be wildly successful (this one). I may be single or I may be a husband with kids (maybe not kids yet) and a house. Who knows? I know the path I want to place my feet on, but I am not set in it. Life throws to many curves for me to be ready so I may as well go with the flow, stay positive and never let anything hold me back or let me down.
December marks very important discoveries, moments, revelations and other things for me. Five years ago December I was 18, 240lbs and had short hair while today I am 23(roughly), 170lbs (again roughly here) and I have not cut my hair in over a year. Each of these things has brought forth challenges and I wouldn't be the same with each of them happening. It also doesn't help that two years ago I was still living in Lincoln working at the YMCA (sorry Austin) and now I am in Kansas City, MO (the cool side) running my own business.
At 18 I decided enough was enough and I made a bet with a girl (thanks for this Anne-Marie) that I could lose 15lbs. I figured, why not, I could stand to be a bit skinnier, might make getting phone numbers a lot easier. This seemingly innocuous bet started my love affair with being healthy and in shape. Because of this decision in a December I now have a career, a passion, and I have also helped people regain control of their life which I have found is a feeling that can't be purchased. When all was said and done I ended up losing over 90lbs going from 240lbs to 145lbs at my lowest. I put a little bit of weight back on in the form of muscle and feel better for it overall. This minor moment in time became a major decision in my life also made it so that my half-naked torso was on posters and fliers all over town, and you can't teach that. I don't always express it, however fitness and health are a part of what has kept me calm and sane over the last few years (or saneish.... Really are any of us that sensible?).
19 came along and I made an even bigger decision that moved me, literally, to a completely different place on the map. I asked out a girl who had been on my mind since the start of high school (we are talking over five years of popping into my head) and something surprising happened, she actually said yes. Her simple response on Facebook caused my life to turn upside down and possibly even backwards. Here was this amazing person who I (this is where mistakes come into play) put on a pedestal of beauty and kindness (pro-tip: healthy relationships shouldn't start out like this) actually dating me. Granted the whole relationship lasted three months and then there were problems on both ends which caused it to cease until the next year. Dating her gave me the confidence boost I needed and craved to start seeing myself as worth something (PROBLEM ALERT). Then came my foray into increasing my education. I started community college around this time and expanded my education from basic nothingness to knowing that I really didn't want to be a welder. When the middle end of the year came along I decided it was time to start pursuing a personal training certification. I spent hours each day pouring over material and learning as much as I could about basic human movement and how it 'should' look in the real world.
Then came a very interesting span in my life. My 20th birthday was here and I was about to learn a very expensive lesson. While not exactly on my birthday I asked this same girl out (if you were paying attention it was not Anne-Marie, sorry for the confusion). Again, she said yes and yet again, this was totally not a healthy way to start a relationship with a person, because I was still idolizing her. I was not perfect but at the time I was trying to hid and avoid all of my flaws under a coat of paint we call 'self-confidence'. Over the course of 20 I ran into scares, tears and tears, and something very important began to mold my path. My girlfriend time pushed me to get a job as a personal trainer at the YMCA. This was huge. It was my first blind jump into fitness and if I am being completely candid here, I failed at getting clients. Most trainers didn't have clients at this particular Y, but still I was not to pleased with this. Then a little later in the year we ran into a pregnancy scare, which forced my life into perspective. Was I happy living in Lincoln, away from the most important person in my life (pro-tip: you should be the most important person in your life) or would I be better off trying to live in a city where I knew no one, had no job yet, and only could rely on that same girlfriend? I choose to live a life full of 'adventure' by moving 170 miles away from home and getting a job as a trainer at the YMCA there. I was working 20-30 hours a week, not turning on lights when I showered (I will expand on my penny pinching ways if you want me to later) or really at all, and I had no cable or internet for the first 3 months. Life was tough. I was bored, hungry, cold and alone. But I had the love of my life there so what did that matter.
My 21st birthday was probably top three worst days of my life (maybe a bit dramatic). The doctor asked me to turn my head and cough and then the next sentence later told me I had a hernia. I was devastated. I was living in a new city, pursuing a passion of mine, and here he was saying I was going to have to pay a lot of money and spend time away from it all. It didn't seem real. I vividly remember walking to the Jeep, closing the door and just crying. I don't know why, but for some reason this broke me. What was suppose to be a happy birthday where all I do is drink and be merry and here I am being told I have to have surgery because of something I love injuring me. This year was probably one of the worst years of my life. If the surgery wasn't bad enough (I sneezed 4 days after and it was the absolute worst pain of my life imagine being stabbed, burned and ripped open all at the same time), I threw out my back on a mechanical bull two weeks after being clear which pinched a nerve. The total time out of lifting at this point was nearly 6 months of no deadlift or squat, which really really sucked.
The worst however was yet to come emotionally. I felt something happen in my relationship mid-summer and knew something was off. I didn't know what or why but something told me it wasn't going to last to much longer. I held on for dear life though and didn't let go. I was selfish, self-centered and an all around jackass during this point. Then it happened. She broke up with me, moved out and I was devastated, totally laid to waste. I actually entered what was on of the darkest periods of my life. I couldn't sleep, didn't eat, was irritable, and honestly came close to calling it quits a few times (I'll let you be the judge of what that means). This was the lowest I had ever been. I was completely alone in a city away from my family and friends and I sometimes wouldn't talk for days at a time to anyone. I lashed out out people who meant the world to me because I wanted them to feel my pain and isolation. I used people to try and make myself feel better. Thankfully I experienced this though. I know how far I can sink and what I need to do to pull myself out of it now.
On the bright side, I didn't become an alcoholic or try to drown my sadness and loneliness in some habit. So I have that going for me which is nice. But I also planted a seed for myself which didn't quite blossom to its fullest until the next year. I started my own personal training business called MoreHealth Fitness and was trying to take on clients of my own. For nearly the first year I had only two people for a total of 4 hours a week.... Not much but this was a way to get my foot in the door and figure out what kind of trainer I wanted to be, was I motivated by money or progress? Not to mention I also met some of the most influential people in my life because I was now living away from home. I had guidance in lifting (which I took for granted), provided by a dedicated team of people who are amazing. Seriously amazing, humans who are able to bend over backwards, metaphorically, because physically most of us are not that flexible.
22 was a year where I realized what was happening to me. I was dating a girl I had no feelings for, I was working a shit job where I wasn't happy, and I was spiraling in a hole of self loathing and depression. Thankfully I discovered I had family that wasn't blood down here. One of my co-workers brought me in as his brother and has treated me better than I can say since. As I have said before and I will never stop saying I can never repay this man for all he has done for me (Debby, you rock also). I then happened to fall for another girl who moved in (don't do this people) after a week (of all the bad ideas this is number one..... at least top five anyway). I then went through the most country breakup ever devised in real life. We fought on mothers day, two days later our dog was hit and killed by her step-dad while she was in the car, and then two days after that we broke up. Seriously a weird array of happenstance. Honestly glad this happened though (not the dog, that was terrible, I cried again).
From this point on I realized I needed to live for me not others. There was also the fact that I have now gained more than 6 additional clients this year, was (sort of) able to make ends meet with this thing that found me when I was 18. This was an investment of over 4 years that was finally paying off and I couldn't be more excited. I am now about to enter my second year as MoreHealth and I am still learning the ropes. I am still failing at a lot of things and need improvements as a business to flourish and grow to my full potential. I now have ten clients, over 14 hours a week (its hard to explain, but tandem sessions yo!) and am looking to add more to my 'stable' if you will. My business has also produced two t-shirts, business connections and friendships that have pulled me through some weird moments in my day. This is my commitment and what I want to do for the foreseeable future.
For my 23rd birthday I am only going to be putting out positive vibes from second number one! No sadness, not weirdness, just all around being happy. I don't understand what the future has in store for me. I don't really even understand what the past had in store for me to be honest here. But I know that I need to be my biggest supporter. I need to be my reason to get out of bed in the morning. I can't do it for anyone else because they might not be there tomorrow. They might leave me to fend for myself. In the next five years of life I may fail as a business man or grow to be wildly successful (this one). I may be single or I may be a husband with kids (maybe not kids yet) and a house. Who knows? I know the path I want to place my feet on, but I am not set in it. Life throws to many curves for me to be ready so I may as well go with the flow, stay positive and never let anything hold me back or let me down.